Now that you’ve thought about some of the things holding you back from reaching your goal, and have made plans and taken action to overcome them, what’s the next step in your process of change?
To introduce our third step, let’s go back to our elementary school days where life was a little simpler:
Your playing on the playground when a friend comes up to you and shows you a brand new, shiny toy they just got. They ask if you want a turn to use it and you gladly accept! But before they hand it over, they make you promise to take good care of it and return it before recess is over. The promise could’ve looked something like this (though maybe not as explosive):
Or this…
Or my personal favorite:
Whatever version that promise took form in, it was treated as sacred.
You’ve likely figured out that Promise is the third step of our new model. This is not the kind of promise that you set and forget (which is unfortunately the standard of today’s promises), we’re talking about the sacred elementary school promises that you keep no matter what. There are three parts to the step of Promise, and we’ll focus on using the goal of having no/limited fights in your relationship with your spouse:
The first part that brings a lot of power in obtaining Promise is committing. In this specific example, you’ll want to commit to your partner (cross your heart) that you no longer want to argue with them. Taking the action, having that communication (the act of crossing your heart, your pinkies, or shaking your hands once you’ve spit on them), will set the expectation from here on out. It will be the foundation.
The second part is having a reminder. How many times have we promised something in our lives and don’t keep that promise because we forget (for me, it’s a lot more often than I wish it was)? What’s something that you look at everyday? The mirror or refrigerator? Your phone? If it’s the mirror, put a sticky note on there that says something inspirational to help you remember your commitment. If it’s your phone, make it your screensaver! If you and your partner always tend to have arguments about how dirty the car is and how they never clean it, put a note in the car! Whatever will help you remember, do it!
Lastly, what good is a goal without having plans to help you achieve it? What are you going to do to prevent arguing with your spouse? Are you going to take five deep breaths when you start to feel angry? Are you going to start asking them questions to understand their side before arguing your own? Are you going to take opportunities to serve your spouse more to put you in a position of being more humble? Admittance, which we talked about last week, is a great place to start if you’re not sure! What things were holding you back before that you can work on strengthening now?
I’ve never been known to be one who was enthusiastic about reading. I fell asleep just about every time I tried picking up a book, and in school, I knew a lot of shortcuts on how to get the information I needed from books without having to actually read them (yeah, not something I’m proud of). Since becoming an adult, I’ve gained a greater appreciation for knowledge, and more specifically, knowledge from books. About two years ago, I decided that I wanted to read more books, that I always wanted to be reading a book, and that was my goal. Because I knew my track record wasn’t great, I made plans to make sure I would be successful in reaching this goal. First, I wrote down (in my phone) that I was going to read every day. Second, I put a task in my Google Calendar to remind myself every day that I needed to read. Third, because I knew my weaknesses when it came to reading, on that task that repeated every day, I wrote that I need to read just one page every day. One page isn’t a lot. For most people, it takes less than a minute to read one page out of a book. If most people could do it that fast, I knew that I didn’t have much of an argument in being able to complete this task, especially as it was going to help me reach my goal.
Now I’ll be the first to say that I’m not perfect. I haven’t read one page every single day since making this goal, but I’m proud to say that I have been able to accomplish it most days! And most days that I do accomplish this task, I’m reading more than just one page. I have been able to finish a few books because of this which is HUGE for me!!
When I’m giving you these prompts on how to transform yourself and reach the goals you have, I’m not just telling you to do what I think is right, I’ve been there! I’ve done it! I know what it’s like and how it feels to be living how you desire and it feels good! I want you to experience it as well!! It can be hard, but hey, I honestly believe that if I can do it so can you!
There’s a second part to this step which you probably know in the back of your mind and you will do automatically, because Promise isn’t achievable without this part, but it’s important enough that it deserves to be its own step with its own post, so hang on because I’m going to talk about it next week! But for now…
Let me know what your goals are! How are you going to remind yourself of your goal and what are you going to do to accomplish it?
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